SEXperience - Experiences Around SEX with Alisha Shivani

Sex and shame are closely linked in our society, especially for women and feminine-presenting people. Sex-shaming forces individuals to view their body as an object that should be hidden.  We spoke to Shivani and she told us all about how and why she became an activist for sexual and body shaming on social media and real life.

Brown Households and Sex Shaming

There were times when my Brown relatives would shame others for wearing revealing clothes by calling them “sluts”, but at the same time they wanted me to look curvier and “show a bit more skin” so men could look at me. This made me very insecure and confused about how I viewed myself as a sexual being. 

The questions that I had about sex and periods were always dismissed by saying things like “good innocent girls never say this rubbish” or  “God doesn’t like girls that talk like that”.

Shaming led me to deeply internalize that sexual health was a bad thing. I started to see my body as something to hide from the creepy uncles in my family. I viewed myself as merely something boys and men liked to look at. It made me feel gross and somewhat helpless. 

Porn is wrong for sex-ed

Growing up without proper sex education from family or teachers made me go to other (unreliable) sources of information.  I would watch unethical porn, Google questions or even talk to my peers that I had about my vulva and period. Most of the information I found was wrong, very vague,  or too complicated for me to understand. So, as a child and teenager, my idea of sexual wellness was very twisted. 

Majority of the knowledge out there regarding sexual choices is based on myths, or outdated information. I disliked how many people viewed sex as a linear penetrative act for reproduction. How, any other type of sex was seen as sinful, provocative and shameful. I noticed how masturbation was shamed and stigmatized so what pushed me to become an activist on social media and in real life was realizing how healthy sexual communication is supposed to be within families, between partners, and with one's own self.