Does your Partner have a different Sex Drive than you?
November 12, 20212 min read
If you feel that your desires aren’t the same as your partners, then communication becomes even tougher. It might either mean feeling rejected because you would feel like you are always trying to get something going or make you feel inadequate because you do not fulfil the needs of your partner.
Here are some ways of dealing with mismatched sex drives that are more practical than just 'learning to communicate' and less severe than ending it for good.
1. Figure out whether sex is actually the problem
It isn't necessarily a bad thing if all you want to do when you've got a night home alone is sink into a Netflix series or go to sleep, but if getting it on has become the last thing on your mind, work out whether the sexitself is actually the problem. Often there can be issues in the daily grind of a relationship that contribute to bedroom problems but they aren't being discussed.
2. Look at what physically influences your sex drive
Usually, your sex drive is very fluid, going up and down all the time depending on energy levels, stress, hormonal contraception and general health. Some people see a massive increase in their sex drive after exercise and others, totally the reverse. Similarly a heavy weekend of drinking can really affect your mood and feelings of self-worth, which unsurprisingly makes you less horny.
3. Look at what emotionally influences your sex drive
The other areas to examine are emotional issues. You might have had your sexual habits or techniques put down by an ex and now subconsciously dread the whole thing. You could feel distracted and stressed about work and not want to get intimate. These are the sort of emotional issues that can contribute to not wanting to get it on.
4. If talking doesn't change much, take practical measures
If you're missing out on sex in your relationship a lot of the tension goes unspoken and becomes the elephant in the room. One way of taking the awkward silences out of your wind-down routine is to plan having sex in a specific routine so you don't have to discuss or ignore it.
5. Try not to get too worked up: everyone is not doing it more than you
There is this urban myth that men are always up for it. And it really isn't the case, nor that women want sex less. If men feel their sex drives are relatively low, they often obsess about being inadequate and fixate on their deficiencies.
It is important to remember, not everyone is having sex every night or feeling fulfilled all the time. Whatever routine works for you remember, your sex life only needs to please you and your partner.