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September 23, 2022 7 min read 6 Comments

Let’s start by saying that everyone has sexual fantasies and all fantasies are completely normal. Many people feel ashamed when they think about their fantasies and what turns them on and don’t end up talking about them. A certified sex coach said, “The more we talk sexual fantasy and normalize the conversation, the less we’ll beat ourselves up for having twisty, sexual, steamy thoughts.” 

What are Sexual Fantasies?

A sexual fantasy is basically a mental image or a pattern of thoughts that stirs a sexual response or enhances arousal.

 ALSO READ: Everything You Need To Know About Male Arousal


Sexual fantasies are nearly universal, being reported in many societies across the globe. However, because of the nature of some fantasies, the actual putting of such fantasies into action is far less common, due to cultural, social, moral, and religious constraints.

Sexual fantasies are nearly universal, being reported in many societies across the globe. However, because of the nature of some fantasies, the actual putting of such fantasies into action is far less common, due to cultural, social, moral, and religious constraints.

Although there are many possibilities, here are some common sexual fantasies that almost every person thinks about at least once in their life.

Which Sexual Fantasy is Normal?

There are mainly 7 sexual fantasy themes and these are less unique than you probably thought. There are high chances that you will find your erotic thought penned below but if you don’t then let’s just say you are way more creative than others.

Power, Control, Rough

Sticks and stones may break your bones but do chains and whips excite you? BDSM or Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission and Masochism is probably one of the most popular fantasies. This is basically a consensual exchange of power in a sexual and even a non-sexual situation. 

It’s simple, the idea of being submissive can be arousing to those who are generally in change or in control of everything outside the bedroom. The mere thought of sexually exerting control over another person and their desires comes from the taboo nature of rough sex and the sense of authority that it brings with itself. Position and power play right into this category whether it is the professor-student or boss-employee roleplay, it's the difference between the status that can be arousing for most people. BDSM is basically inflicting and receiving pleasure in the form of pain through whips, chains, humiliation is what arouses people. This kind of fantasy is really about extreme trust between partners because it is the vulnerability that has arousal potential.

What can I do about my Power & Control fantasy?

The first step to making this fantasy a reality is to figure out what this fantasy is and what are your limits. Talking to your partner and making sure it is safe, sane and CONSENSUAL is naturally the next step. 

From spanking and blind folding, to electroplay or needle play, BDSM contains a wide range of sexual activities.

So whatever the fantasy, there should be a plan in place about what will happen, keeping in mind your as well as your partners needs and limits.

These are same basic things that will help you define the scene:

  • Agree on a safe words before you start any sexual activity

  • Define the roles- Who is the submissive? Who is the dominant?

  • Establishing Boundaries and limits

  • Taking it slow and understanding as you go 

  • Checking in with your partner


Thinking of adding a third person to the mix? You’re not alone, group sex or multi-partner sex is the most common fantasy around the world. 

The idea of multiple people desiring you turns people on. Threesomes and multiple group sex sessions are basically a sensory overload. 

What can I do about my Multi-Partner fantasy?

Almost all fantasies fall into one of the 3 categories ; those we keep to ourselves, the ones we share with our partner and the ones that we actually want to try in real life.

If it's a mere fantasy for you and you don’t want to actually take part in it then you don’t have to talk about it to anyone. If your multi-partner fantasy is just a way to increase your arousal in bed but not take part in it, then talking to your partner about it will definitely stir things in the right direction, but make sure you ask for consent for talking about such things, because not all may be comfortable. If this fantasy is something you want to try in real life, then you should talk to your partner about adding a third person to your bed. Talk about whether you want it to be a one-time or ongoing encounter, and whether you’d prefer a stranger or friend. Establish boundaries for those interactions.

Monogamy? What’s That

Open relationships and non-monogamous relationships are becoming increasingly popular and more people are wanting to be a part of it. 

Most times the person’s fantasy is about consensual non- monogamous relationships. Which basically means that both partners agree to dating multiple people outside their already committed relationship.

What can I do about my Non-Monogamy fantasy?

Establishing your fantasies within yourself is highly important. Do you want to act this fantasy out in real life or keep it like a conversation starter and knowing this difference is very important . 

Understanding why you may want a non monogamous relationship is also the first step. In what ways is the relationship not adequate. Most people just want one romantic and emotional partner but want to explore outside for more sexual partners. While there are people who want to explore emotionally with more than one person at a time. Understanding and articulating your desires before talking to your partner is important. Such relationships require a lot of open communication and understanding the limits of the partner. Changing the relationship structure might be difficult for some people and moving forward, both the partners will have to save a space for understanding the other. 

If you’re having cheating fantasies; Identify why you’re having this fantasy. Are you unsatisfied in your relationship? Are you craving an adrenaline rush? Is there some other internal conflict going on?

What are your feelings in the fantasy? Exploring your emotions may give you clues to your unmet needs.

Adventure, Variety & Novelty

Thinking about getting it on in the airplane bathroom or on the beach? Fantasies that center around adventure or novelty are extremely common. It is the feeling of facing the unknown consequences or trying something new gives an adrenaline rush and for many people is extremely arousing. In long-term relationships in particular, keeping novelty alive is paramount for fighting bedroom boredom and maintaining an active sex life. Trying something new reignites the passion you had at the beginning of the relationship.

What can I do about my Adventure/Novelty fantasy?

Well for starters you need to remember that what may be exciting to you might not be as exciting for the other person, so having an in-depth conversation and understanding of each other's boundaries, limits, likes and dislikes is extremely crucial. What’s novel or new for one person may not be for another. So the what and where between folks’ fantasies will vary.

The one thing you should completely avoid is to make your partner feel inadequate by your words hinting that you need to add something to the bedroom to spice up your life. 

Forbidden Apple

Heard about the forbidden apple being the most delicious. Most times we as humans want what we can’t have. In the same way, any sexual activity that can get us into trouble or is forbidden or taboo can be a very big turn on. 

What can I do about my Forbidden fantasy?

Sexual desires need to be communicated to your partner. Whether you want to take part in voyeurism or any other forbidden fantasy, and based on their likes and dislikes you can act on these fantasies. For most people such fantasies are something they don’t share with anyone and keep it to themselves and there are very few people who actually want to reenact  these fantasies in real life.


There are a few categories to this fantasy but the two main categories are;

  1. Gender Based - This is basically where someone explores their own gender representation by cross dressing or has a partner who partakes in such fluidity.

  2. Sexual Fluidity- This is basically where one or both partners partake in sexual acts that are inconsistent with their sexual identity.

These are mainly arousing because you get to explore different roles which can be really fun and creative and for some people freeing.

Bending gender roles allows you to incorporate something new, different and exciting in your life and this is because you subvert the expectations of what you are supposed to be.

What can I do about my Flexibility fantasy?

In some cases this fantasy may be a desire to explore your own sexuality or identify your own gender but in most cases this desire comes from the fact of being comfortable in your own skin with your partner. Communication, as always, is key to learning if your gender bending or sexual fluidity fantasies mesh with the likes of your partner.

Passion & Romance

If you think romance and passion is just the hyperbole of a relationship, then you are wrong. Things like candle lit dinners, walks together are actually a part of a fantasy. This fantasy is basically the desire to be romantic rather than directly sexually intimate. 

Romantic gestures and making people feel like royalty is all part of this fantasy where the person feels like they are significant to their partner.

What can I do about my Passion & Romance fantasy?

This is actually a very common fantasy and it almost always stems from the feeling of not being appreciated enough in life. You need to spend time with your partner and learn about each other’s love languages or you could try being sexually intimate in a position that sustains eye contact. The feeling of not being appreciated can be because of any reason and communicating this with your partner or showing yourself love first might be some solution for such a fantasy.

While you might be learning about what you may or may not want in real life, there are multiple reasons why people have sexual fantasies. The most common reasons are:

  • Experience Arousal

  • Curious about different sensations

  • Sexually or romantically unsatisfied

  • A way to escape reality

  • Taboo desires

  • Want to feel more sexually confident 

  • Reduce sexual anxiety 

  • Just because you are bored

Sexual fantasies are a normal part of life. Some may be hot only as fantasy. Others might be things you want to test out in real life.

6 Responses

Stephanie Sally
Stephanie Sally

April 13, 2024

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Cindy Jason
Cindy Jason

January 22, 2024


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Rachael Mildred
Rachael Mildred

January 22, 2024


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Julianna Davis

October 03, 2023

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