SEXperience - Experiences Around SEX with Raja Rajeshwari
March 10, 20223 min read
In conversation with Raja Rajeshwari.Here's what she had to say about a relationship between a cis-gender woman and a pansexual and bisexual man.
"Our story is nothing different then any other couple except for the fact that I am a heterosexual cis-gendered woman married to a reciprosexual, non-binary, gender maverique, pansexual drag queen.
I got to know Patruni through our family friends, however, my curiosity to know him peaked when I went through his Instagram profile. His work piqued my interest and I became his adoring little fan and stalked him on Instagram for 6 months before we met. I didn’t have a clear understanding of what they did as I had not been introduced to drag culture before this and only knew him as a dancer.
I grew up in surroundings where there is a lot of transphobia and there was almost never an awareness about the same. But after I met Patruni and fell for the intent of what they do, I started attending initiatives who had these conversations regularly about ‘Gender Fluidity’, ‘Transgenders’ etc.
After we spend some time knowing each other, we felt an instant connection and then they came out as a Pansexual. I wasn’t sure what that meant so I googled it and found a wiki link and then asked them if that’s what they meant and they confirmed, but it didn’t make any difference to how I felt for him. I got to know how they think and feel for multiple genders and that was the only difference I could see.
Journey of Sexuality
Although I didn’t understand his complete journey of sexuality and gender, I could see the love he was resonating and it was then that I decided that I want to be in for it. As time passed, we decided to make our bond stronger and marry each other but I didn’t make an effort to convince my family. However, I decided not to hide it too. We never confronted my side of the family but we kept everything open for them to see and come back with questions. We don’t want to make the effort to explain our relationship as I feel it's nothing different from what my parents and others in my family have.
However, sometimes people repeat Patruni’s story in front of me and say things like ‘Oh you know Patruni did this' and expect a reaction, but I have heard all these stories and it’s in the past. There are also times where they seek validation of my involvement which I hate to take up. It's easy and simple, I love them, they love me and nothing else matters.
I don’t think there is any difference, at least for me. We discuss a lot of things when it comes to sexuality and gender (which I am not a pro). I know for a fact that they love me unconditionally and that makes the relationship stronger than ever. Just as a normal couple we have our highs and lows but in both, I have an upper hand (don’t tell it to them).
I often get questioned about how I feel about all this and honestly I enjoy the drag they make and sometimes I too get involved in creating for them. Also, there are a lot of perks of marrying a drag queen, they know how to make people beautiful and appreciate beauty differently.
I believe that one shouldn’t assume something from what a person wears or presents. It's always good to ask questions and listen. Everyone is different and unique and we should accept them for who they are.